i often show people around me how much i love my family. i share to them the closeness and the relationship i share with my parents and siblings. but not everyone knows how i really feel about them.

i never share my on going thoughts to my family. i never asked my sister how her day went nor ask my brother how school was. i have 2 brothers and a sister by the way. i am from a broken family. my parents decided to call it quits when i was 13. my world started to stop ever since they decided to separate. they thought it would be the best thing for them. my father had another family anyway.

going back, ever since i started my wacky life as a student, i never shared my thoughts to my sister, number one we were enemies before (good thing were friends now...). number two, we never grew up sharing anything, even our stuff. i just went on and grow on my own.

when i entered my very first boy-girl relationship (which up to now i don't consider my first), i was 11 years old then (okay, okay, i know i was too young), nobody at home knows that. not till they realized that a teacher went to our home and told my mother about it. but my mom did nothing. she allowed me to learn everything on my own. then came another boyfriend when i was 13, my mother knew everything, she just did'nt speak she wanted the words to come out of my own mouth. but i just confirmed it, i never talked about it. whenever my ex and i fought, i just cry i never told her about it and she never asked. my sister then stepped in and convinced me to break up with the guy. they know him so much, he is a family friend. my sister told me that he knows the guy so much and that he would just make a fool out of me. i did'nt believe her, i even mocked her telling her that she ius just jealous of what i have.

i just realized now that she told the truth back then. the naked truth. so eventually, i broke up with the guy. i suffered much but i never shared it with my mom or my siblings, nobody at home knew the pain i was going through. i carried everything all by myself.

i never remember an instance that we shared our griefs at home. everyone pretended that everything is alright. i never go home looking wasted. i always enter our doorstep looking okay. everyone in our home does that. there was even one time that i felt that i was going home to an apartment or a dormitory that we have to live with the people that we don't know.
i envy my friends for having their family intact. their closeness. their sweetness. i wish i can buy or trade my material things for that.