why is it everytime you hold a position people expect much from you? i am just pissed off everytime they look at me as if i am not to make mistakes. they ask too much from me and my position.
if only i can bring back my simple life.
i miss everything. i miss speaking out loud and bullying. hahaha. i miss getting pissed off to those who are calling our line. i miss being an agent. though there are some things i really like about being a quality analyst. i don't know. maybe i just can't handle the pressure or something like that.
i miss not caring about all those people around me and just enjoy being me.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
puerto galera fever part two
continuation...
i can still remember how i went to our room, took a bath as fast as i can and i fell asleep, the next thing i remember, it was already morning. we then prepared for the games. i also got my hair braided that morning. then boss finally arrived.
we had our games at around 12 in the afternoon so imagine how hot it was. i got sooooo burned that i got my golden skin back. hahaha. i also got the chance to ride a jetski that afternoon after the games. it was soooo much fun. by the way that was the first time i got to ride a jetski so enjoyed every moment i was given, i drove it as fast as i can... and and and, we also rode the banana boat, imagine, eleven of us stuck in one banana boat.
that night was one of those nights i dare not to remember. we drank Mindoro Sling (again) but this time, we got REALLY DRUNK. but but but, i can clearly remember what happened that night, no one can fool me.. hehe...
so there, one, i lost my slippers on the beach, two, i got to meet the bartender i was talking about, three, someone attempted to kiss me (but good thing he failed -- kala nya a!!!). there, i don't want to go into details since nothing important really happened.
i can tell what happened kaso i'm to lazy to write everything e...
i can still remember how i went to our room, took a bath as fast as i can and i fell asleep, the next thing i remember, it was already morning. we then prepared for the games. i also got my hair braided that morning. then boss finally arrived.
we had our games at around 12 in the afternoon so imagine how hot it was. i got sooooo burned that i got my golden skin back. hahaha. i also got the chance to ride a jetski that afternoon after the games. it was soooo much fun. by the way that was the first time i got to ride a jetski so enjoyed every moment i was given, i drove it as fast as i can... and and and, we also rode the banana boat, imagine, eleven of us stuck in one banana boat.
that night was one of those nights i dare not to remember. we drank Mindoro Sling (again) but this time, we got REALLY DRUNK. but but but, i can clearly remember what happened that night, no one can fool me.. hehe...
so there, one, i lost my slippers on the beach, two, i got to meet the bartender i was talking about, three, someone attempted to kiss me (but good thing he failed -- kala nya a!!!). there, i don't want to go into details since nothing important really happened.
i can tell what happened kaso i'm to lazy to write everything e...
Saturday, June 23, 2007
galera pictures...
some of our pics...
partey on!!!
game time!!!
the partey night
the girls of penny
enough for now... more pix to follow...
partey on!!!
game time!!!
the partey night
the girls of penny
enough for now... more pix to follow...
puerto galera fever
ha!
at last i'm home... we went to galera last wednesday morning... i thought everything would go well as planned... but it didn't.. when we went there, we rode the wrong bus so we arrived late at the port, but good thing the boat hasn't left yet.. so there we were bombarded by the nasty porters.. i was pissed off by them so i unintentionally told them to back off.. we then decided to ride FSL... when we went out, we saw this little boat waiting for us... so we boarded the ship at around 8:45 and arrived at Sabang (Puerto Galera's little city) at around 10:00 and i was happy to see yachts, big boats and everything... i also saw Coco Beach, they told me that this is one of the most expensive resorts in Galera...
after the long wait, we finally arrived at the white sand beach of Mindoro, it was really beautiful. i was able to appreciate it even if i didn't get enough sleep. so there i was staring at the beach wanting to swim as soon as possible...
we ate calamares at the resort's restaurant, it was a bit pricey but the food is good. after eating we took a rest, actually, we didn't take a rest, we chatted til 4 and then we finally decided to go out and enjoy the rest of the day at the beach. we took some pictures and enjoyed every single moment to realize that we are FREE from work. i had so much fun.
the first night was fun, one because i tripped, and i fell FACE FLAT on the sand, two, because i spotted this cute bartender. we drank Mindoro Sling. a drink composed of rhum, orange juice, mango juice, grenadine syrup and Sprite. we were able to finish 5 pitchers. then i felt a little dizzy... dizzy because i wasn't able to sleep that afternoon and the drink made me feel like sleeping...
will continue this...
at last i'm home... we went to galera last wednesday morning... i thought everything would go well as planned... but it didn't.. when we went there, we rode the wrong bus so we arrived late at the port, but good thing the boat hasn't left yet.. so there we were bombarded by the nasty porters.. i was pissed off by them so i unintentionally told them to back off.. we then decided to ride FSL... when we went out, we saw this little boat waiting for us... so we boarded the ship at around 8:45 and arrived at Sabang (Puerto Galera's little city) at around 10:00 and i was happy to see yachts, big boats and everything... i also saw Coco Beach, they told me that this is one of the most expensive resorts in Galera...
after the long wait, we finally arrived at the white sand beach of Mindoro, it was really beautiful. i was able to appreciate it even if i didn't get enough sleep. so there i was staring at the beach wanting to swim as soon as possible...
we ate calamares at the resort's restaurant, it was a bit pricey but the food is good. after eating we took a rest, actually, we didn't take a rest, we chatted til 4 and then we finally decided to go out and enjoy the rest of the day at the beach. we took some pictures and enjoyed every single moment to realize that we are FREE from work. i had so much fun.
the first night was fun, one because i tripped, and i fell FACE FLAT on the sand, two, because i spotted this cute bartender. we drank Mindoro Sling. a drink composed of rhum, orange juice, mango juice, grenadine syrup and Sprite. we were able to finish 5 pitchers. then i felt a little dizzy... dizzy because i wasn't able to sleep that afternoon and the drink made me feel like sleeping...
will continue this...
Sunday, June 17, 2007
on having a father
Father's Day is celebrated every third Sunday of June. It is a day wherein you get to thank that there is someone to fix your toys, to fetch you from school, to teach you your lessons, to keep you away from your suitors and stuff like that. I was born to have a father and grew up to have none. No, he didn't die. I just believe that he decided that his life would go on having formed another family. A new child and a new wife.
I rarely talk about my father for most of the time, he did not agree with whatever decision I make. I can clearly remember how he was trying to convince me to take accounting, tears falling I said, "...di ko naman gusto yun e!" he then followed "anak, ikaw nalang mag-aaral sa inyo. Gusto ko sana kahit isa man lang sa inyo maging tulad ko..." How could I refuse my father? He is the one who's going to provide money for my studies. I tried to cope thinking that he would be eventually pleased with what I'm doing but later on I just realized that I failed to do so.
There was a time wherein I had to stop schooling since he can not shoulder it anymore and besides, I am considering going to Canada and study there with my choice of profession. Since I'll be stopping, I wouldn't have a thing to do so I decided to find a job to get myself occupied for I never want to see myself doing nothing. I was successful in finding one that I was so excited to spill the news to him. To my disappointment, he didn't say a thing. He wasn't happy nor excited. I was so dejected that I never want to talk to him again.
Then came a show I was a part of, by the way I am a part of our church's theater group. My mother advised me to invite him since she's not around. She told me it would be an opportunity for us to be as close again like before. The day of the performance came, there he was watching still. When the show came to an end, I immediately went to where he was seated. All he said was, "ang galing ng magician nyo a!" Those words kept ringing in my head, it was a big slap on my face. While everyone else kept praising me, there he was so engrossed at how the guy presented his tricks.
My father never failed to discourage me. He was never proud of my achievements. He always overlooked me as if in dismay of whatever I did. I just realized, how come the one who made you up as a person can easily crush you into tiny pieces? Having him would be one of my best treasures as a person, I would never be this strong without him. He may never see any potential in me, but that doesn't stop me from proving myself to him. My imperfections made me realize that he can never be perfect as well. God gave him to me to realize that I am human and I will always be. My dad will always be my dad and I will always be his daughter. No one could ever break that bond.
I rarely talk about my father for most of the time, he did not agree with whatever decision I make. I can clearly remember how he was trying to convince me to take accounting, tears falling I said, "...di ko naman gusto yun e!" he then followed "anak, ikaw nalang mag-aaral sa inyo. Gusto ko sana kahit isa man lang sa inyo maging tulad ko..." How could I refuse my father? He is the one who's going to provide money for my studies. I tried to cope thinking that he would be eventually pleased with what I'm doing but later on I just realized that I failed to do so.
There was a time wherein I had to stop schooling since he can not shoulder it anymore and besides, I am considering going to Canada and study there with my choice of profession. Since I'll be stopping, I wouldn't have a thing to do so I decided to find a job to get myself occupied for I never want to see myself doing nothing. I was successful in finding one that I was so excited to spill the news to him. To my disappointment, he didn't say a thing. He wasn't happy nor excited. I was so dejected that I never want to talk to him again.
Then came a show I was a part of, by the way I am a part of our church's theater group. My mother advised me to invite him since she's not around. She told me it would be an opportunity for us to be as close again like before. The day of the performance came, there he was watching still. When the show came to an end, I immediately went to where he was seated. All he said was, "ang galing ng magician nyo a!" Those words kept ringing in my head, it was a big slap on my face. While everyone else kept praising me, there he was so engrossed at how the guy presented his tricks.
My father never failed to discourage me. He was never proud of my achievements. He always overlooked me as if in dismay of whatever I did. I just realized, how come the one who made you up as a person can easily crush you into tiny pieces? Having him would be one of my best treasures as a person, I would never be this strong without him. He may never see any potential in me, but that doesn't stop me from proving myself to him. My imperfections made me realize that he can never be perfect as well. God gave him to me to realize that I am human and I will always be. My dad will always be my dad and I will always be his daughter. No one could ever break that bond.
dying...
What would you do if you were told that you're going to die in a month's time? I was thinking of doing several things but let me share to you special things I'd like to do.
One would be spending time with my father. I would ask him out and treat him to dinner. I would talk to him about everything. How my life went, how I fought and continued the fight. I grew up being close to my father that eventually developed a gap between us. I really don't know what happened and everything happened all at once. I would talk about how our relationship went that we were once close to each other. I will apologize for all the things I've done. All the words said and left unsaid.
Another thing I would like to do is to go to Canada and spend time with my mother. I would thank her for all that she's done for the family. The strength she showed. The dreams that we shared. The tears that we shed. The sacrifices she made. She was the one who taught me how to fight. She molded the person in me. She made so much impact on me. I would never forget how much she trusted me even if the whole world turned its back against me.
I want to thank several friends. Those who have rejected me and those who accepted my flaws. They helped me keep up with life and its challenges. I am weird as I believe it, experiencing different mood swings, who would want to be my friend? They treated me with love and care. They are always there especially when I need them most. I may not be able to give them back what they did but they never demanded. That's what I love most about them.
And finally, I want to thank one special person named Oliver. He made me feel special in different ways he wouldn't know. He made me feel accepted and loved. He made me believe that distance isn't a problem, that distance only made us a little closer than we thought we could be. He made me feel respected, the one I long for. He made me trust him and myself as well. The person I want to spend my time with. He will always be a special person to me.
If I would die soon, I would like to do these things first. I would like to tell them how much I appreciate and love them. Written words aren't enough to show these people how I feel. They would just know, they would just know.
One would be spending time with my father. I would ask him out and treat him to dinner. I would talk to him about everything. How my life went, how I fought and continued the fight. I grew up being close to my father that eventually developed a gap between us. I really don't know what happened and everything happened all at once. I would talk about how our relationship went that we were once close to each other. I will apologize for all the things I've done. All the words said and left unsaid.
Another thing I would like to do is to go to Canada and spend time with my mother. I would thank her for all that she's done for the family. The strength she showed. The dreams that we shared. The tears that we shed. The sacrifices she made. She was the one who taught me how to fight. She molded the person in me. She made so much impact on me. I would never forget how much she trusted me even if the whole world turned its back against me.
I want to thank several friends. Those who have rejected me and those who accepted my flaws. They helped me keep up with life and its challenges. I am weird as I believe it, experiencing different mood swings, who would want to be my friend? They treated me with love and care. They are always there especially when I need them most. I may not be able to give them back what they did but they never demanded. That's what I love most about them.
And finally, I want to thank one special person named Oliver. He made me feel special in different ways he wouldn't know. He made me feel accepted and loved. He made me believe that distance isn't a problem, that distance only made us a little closer than we thought we could be. He made me feel respected, the one I long for. He made me trust him and myself as well. The person I want to spend my time with. He will always be a special person to me.
If I would die soon, I would like to do these things first. I would like to tell them how much I appreciate and love them. Written words aren't enough to show these people how I feel. They would just know, they would just know.
Friday, June 8, 2007
thoughts
naisip ko lang... di kaya kalokohan lang lahat ng to? am i in my imaginations again? living in my dreams?
hay...
don't wanna doubt kaso what else can i do? i don't trust myself either...
yoko nalang isipin.. malulungkot lang ako..
am i gonna leave everything behind?
hay...
parang ayoko... masaya ako na ganito, i don't want to drown myself..
sana nga lang totoo at di ako nagsasayang ng kung anu-anu i would never know how to recover just in case...
hay...
don't wanna doubt kaso what else can i do? i don't trust myself either...
yoko nalang isipin.. malulungkot lang ako..
am i gonna leave everything behind?
hay...
parang ayoko... masaya ako na ganito, i don't want to drown myself..
sana nga lang totoo at di ako nagsasayang ng kung anu-anu i would never know how to recover just in case...
Thursday, June 7, 2007
FREEDOM
and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you FREE
ever experienced a situation wherein you don't know whether you're right or wrong? why does honesty hurt so much that it tends to ruin a person's life? is it because one can not accept what is real and happening? or is it because they're afraid of the consequences that they need to get through?
i am always afraid of the truth. i am always dreamy and imaginative thus, reality isn't really my bestfriend. i consider myself weak. i can hide myself under masks of various kinds. i always have hard time making myself realize whatever that is real and hapening.
"Everything i did was sincere... i just woke up one morning and i just realized that i really like you..."
i ran into this incident where i got my self forced to tell what i feel eventhough it may hurt somebody else. i got nothing else to do but tell him or else i will get myself buried alive without having an escape. he told me that every single thing that he did for me is sincere. how could i believe him? i really don't know him and worse is, i choose not to know him. i bluntly told him that it is better for us to be friends.
"Kung pa'no ko sila ituring, gan'on din lang yung sa'yo..."
that line never got out of my mind ever since we talked. that was may 24th, just last wednesday. it was around 2 in the morning. i cried out of the blue not knowing what to do or at least what to say. i know that i have to do something before this gets out of my hand.
i was afraid at first of what to say, "gie, iiyak talaga ako.. di ko lam kung anung sasabihin ko.." that was my line day before i got the chance to talk to him. gie even told me that i should speak up, that i should tell him.
i think i did the right thing but i guess, it went worse than i think it would be. things get a lot more distorted nowadays. i feel good for i have at last started the fight of telling the truth of whatever that they should know. i feel good that at last one BIG burden got out of my chest.
oh well since i started it, i certainly believe that at the end of this writing, somebody out there is still afraid to accept it.
ever experienced a situation wherein you don't know whether you're right or wrong? why does honesty hurt so much that it tends to ruin a person's life? is it because one can not accept what is real and happening? or is it because they're afraid of the consequences that they need to get through?
i am always afraid of the truth. i am always dreamy and imaginative thus, reality isn't really my bestfriend. i consider myself weak. i can hide myself under masks of various kinds. i always have hard time making myself realize whatever that is real and hapening.
"Everything i did was sincere... i just woke up one morning and i just realized that i really like you..."
i ran into this incident where i got my self forced to tell what i feel eventhough it may hurt somebody else. i got nothing else to do but tell him or else i will get myself buried alive without having an escape. he told me that every single thing that he did for me is sincere. how could i believe him? i really don't know him and worse is, i choose not to know him. i bluntly told him that it is better for us to be friends.
"Kung pa'no ko sila ituring, gan'on din lang yung sa'yo..."
that line never got out of my mind ever since we talked. that was may 24th, just last wednesday. it was around 2 in the morning. i cried out of the blue not knowing what to do or at least what to say. i know that i have to do something before this gets out of my hand.
i was afraid at first of what to say, "gie, iiyak talaga ako.. di ko lam kung anung sasabihin ko.." that was my line day before i got the chance to talk to him. gie even told me that i should speak up, that i should tell him.
i think i did the right thing but i guess, it went worse than i think it would be. things get a lot more distorted nowadays. i feel good for i have at last started the fight of telling the truth of whatever that they should know. i feel good that at last one BIG burden got out of my chest.
oh well since i started it, i certainly believe that at the end of this writing, somebody out there is still afraid to accept it.
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