on having a father

Father's Day is celebrated every third Sunday of June. It is a day wherein you get to thank that there is someone to fix your toys, to fetch you from school, to teach you your lessons, to keep you away from your suitors and stuff like that. I was born to have a father and grew up to have none. No, he didn't die. I just believe that he decided that his life would go on having formed another family. A new child and a new wife.

I rarely talk about my father for most of the time, he did not agree with whatever decision I make. I can clearly remember how he was trying to convince me to take accounting, tears falling I said, "...di ko naman gusto yun e!" he then followed "anak, ikaw nalang mag-aaral sa inyo. Gusto ko sana kahit isa man lang sa inyo maging tulad ko..." How could I refuse my father? He is the one who's going to provide money for my studies. I tried to cope thinking that he would be eventually pleased with what I'm doing but later on I just realized that I failed to do so.

There was a time wherein I had to stop schooling since he can not shoulder it anymore and besides, I am considering going to Canada and study there with my choice of profession. Since I'll be stopping, I wouldn't have a thing to do so I decided to find a job to get myself occupied for I never want to see myself doing nothing. I was successful in finding one that I was so excited to spill the news to him. To my disappointment, he didn't say a thing. He wasn't happy nor excited. I was so dejected that I never want to talk to him again.

Then came a show I was a part of, by the way I am a part of our church's theater group. My mother advised me to invite him since she's not around. She told me it would be an opportunity for us to be as close again like before. The day of the performance came, there he was watching still. When the show came to an end, I immediately went to where he was seated. All he said was, "ang galing ng magician nyo a!" Those words kept ringing in my head, it was a big slap on my face. While everyone else kept praising me, there he was so engrossed at how the guy presented his tricks.

My father never failed to discourage me. He was never proud of my achievements. He always overlooked me as if in dismay of whatever I did. I just realized, how come the one who made you up as a person can easily crush you into tiny pieces? Having him would be one of my best treasures as a person, I would never be this strong without him. He may never see any potential in me, but that doesn't stop me from proving myself to him. My imperfections made me realize that he can never be perfect as well. God gave him to me to realize that I am human and I will always be. My dad will always be my dad and I will always be his daughter. No one could ever break that bond.