my deepest apologies

i have been longing to write this entry years back... but i just had the courage today. i wrote this after realizing that i have been living in a world of lies, a world where nobody really trusts anybody. Nobody dares to be humble enough and admit that they did a mistake at one point of their lives.

first and foremost, i want to extend my deepest apologies to those guys i have met in the past and left an unsightly mark in their hearts. i tried my best not to fool you, i tried my best not to take advantage of you, but then again, my weakness ate most of my being that i ended up hurting you all.

i am very sorry.

i could name but i'd rather not, i might end up hurting you more. i am happy that you are living the lives you want to have with the girls you ended up with. you know who you are. i don't have the nerve to look straight into your faces knowing that i am not the ideal person you've been wanting to meet or even spend the rest of your lives with. i am happy that everything turned out well for you and for me.

and finally, to those friends that made a significance in my life that i also ended up hurting, i'm very much sorry for all those secrets spilled, for those petty fights, for those unwanted silence. i'm sorry that i wasn't able to meet your expectations. i'm sorry that i wasn't able to keep up with you, i didn't keep you posted.

i am not a perfect friend and i know i would never be one but i am grateful that you have accepted me beyond my imperfections. i'm sorry if you suffered much because of me.

i know that this isn't enough but i guess i could start with this small letter and end up right in front of you asking for forgiveness. i have too much to say and the space i have here isn't enough to apologize to you. i just hope you have forgiven me.

someday we'll meet again