do i deserve this?

i guess i know every reason why i haven't met him yet. i am not yet ready. or maybe he too, isn't ready yet. i have done so many mistakes that made me doubt even myself. and still, i continue to do some mistakes that make me half of who i am. i will never be good enough. i really don't like the feeling but i guess i have to live with every stab it is giving me, every drop of blood that flows out of my system sure has something good in return.

if i plead, i am sure that it will again reoccur. and i don't want to risk all over again, i don't want to get hurt the same way Ton did. i am scared. i stepped on my small pride again. why do i have to plead them to love me? or to share a part of their life with me? am i not worthy enough to have that kind of attention? it makes me doubt myself every now and then. i want to go away, far away from where i could start all over again from scratch. when will that time come?

i wish that soon enough, somebody out there is willing to sweep me off my feet. somebody to treat me like i am more special. somebody to love me for who and what i am. i wish that he passes by today and just be there for no reason at all.

somebody who's patient enough to understand all my qualms, somebody who's willing to caress me even if i refuse to. somebody who will love me for all my childish ways. somebody who's not gonna make a fool out of me. someone who'll care enough to lsiten even if i feel like shouting, someone who's willing to wipe all the fears away. someone who wouldn't want to see me crying. somebody who is just a call away when i feel like talking to somebody. somebody who's gonna love me regardless of my past, and all my wrong-doings.

somebody who is perfect for me.